


Two Sides

by zenkitty555



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Dark, Doctor Strange Kinkmeme, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 00:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10477986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenkitty555/pseuds/zenkitty555
Summary: Non-Magical AU: Stephen’s ex, Karl Mordo gets a phone call one day that Stephen has been in an accident, and goes to visit the man. Karl has little idea how much that visit will change his life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Strodo no magic AU prompt: Baron Mordo and world’s greatest surgeon, but worst boyfriend Stephen Strange broke up. Then the car accident happens and Mordo shows up again in Stephen’s life… Basically, “I just got a call from the hospital, saying that I was your emergency contact, but we broke up two years ago. Why am I still y-oh my god aRE YOU OKAY????” AU.  
>  **  
> **  
>  **Notes: Mentions of suicide and non-con. There are no non-con or suicide scenes.**

When he got the call early in the morning, Karl debated whether or not to go. Really, Karl needed to ignore it, but it was hard, especially when he thought about the man’s situation. By ten o'clock, Stephen's accident was all over the local news and even made the national news outlets. It bothered him, playing on his guilt and sense of propriety.

Some days before, he had seen Stephen on T.V., talking about some new revolutionary method he had been developing. Normally, he would just turn it off and ignore it, but for some reason he decided to watch the full interview. The man had been boasting like usual. This new story was different, as he was now watching pictures of the car, mangled and barely recognizable as a car.

It irritated Karl that his response was to pick up his coat and head to the hospital. After all Stephen had put him through, it seemed counterintuitive to go. However, he knew that Stephen probably had no one, and that’s why he never bothered to update his emergency contact information at the hospital. It didn’t sit well with him that someone he was once close to should suffer something like that alone, no matter how badly they had parted.

When he arrived at the hospital, the nurse showed him the man’s private room. He had just come out of surgery, and another doctor sat by his side. Karl had never seen the woman before, but she seemed very upset by Stephen's state. She also seemed surprised to see Karl walk in.

“I’m sorry, this is a private room. Are you looking for someone?” She asked.

Karl’s mouth twisted into a frown.

“I am Stephen’s emergency contact. Who are you?”

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know that he had friends outside the hospital.”

Karl shook his head. It was very much like Stephen to never have mentioned him, and he started to rethink his decision to come and visit.

“What happened exactly?” Karl asked, motioning to Stephen’s hands.

“His hands are… There’s a lot of damage from the car accident and it took too long to find him out there. He probably won’t recover full function.”

It was a grim diagnosis, and Karl knew that it would devastate the man when he woke. He would need support, but Karl didn’t know if he cared enough to do that. There were a lot of mixed feelings tied up with name Stephen Strange.

“I am Karl Mordo.”

“Christine Palmer. I work with Stephen. How do you know him?” The woman asked.

“We were lovers years ago. It seems that he never updated his emergency contact information.”

Stephen never was good at managing his affairs outside of work. It was one of the things that irritated Karl about the man. Work always came first, at the expense of others. He could understand it to an extent, but at times it was an excuse.

“I didn’t know.”

He felt irrationally angry at her, even though knew that he was in this position because of Stephen. He really did not want to lay out their history to this woman, especially since it wasn’t really his place. However, the situation was not normal, and he really couldn’t give a damn about Stephen’s wishes at this point.

“Yes, well, one does not get to be a world renowned neurosurgeon when they are involved in a homosexual relationship, or so I had discovered.”

She looked as if she were going to protest, but decided against it. They both knew there were politics involved at top levels. Stephen wasn’t some intern, or worked for a small hospital in a suburb. While Karl’s own career allowed for the freedom, he did understand that there were those out there who were not so lucky. Since Stephen, he had decided that he did not want to tie himself with such individuals. He considered it living a lie.

Karl started to feel nervous about being in the room. Since Stephen was not awake, and he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to be there, he could just leave. He made his excuses, and told Christine that he would be back, even though he had not made up his mind.

And so he fled.

It took a lot of strength to go back, but he was always more sentimental than he should be. He felt like he owed it to the memory of their good times to at least visit the man while he was awake. Karl knew it would naw at him if he did not go.

When he arrived, he stood outside the door for a minute catching his breath. Stephen was with the woman from before, and another doctor. Karl could hear them talking.

“I could have done better,” Stephen gritted out.

He waited a few more moments as they finished up. The doctor passed by Karl on his way out the door. Karl walked into the room and notice Christine crying. He shook his head at the scene. As he heard Karl’s footsteps, Stephen managed to turn his badly bruised and cut face. Karl could hear a sob caught in his throat.

“Stephen, it’s been a while.”

“Karl. What are you doing here?” He managed to ask.

“You never updated your emergency contacts.”

Silence befell the room. Christine looked at both of them. She seemed tense, as she knew that she was in the middle of an emotional reunion of sorts. Although both men controlled themselves, the air crackled with uncomfortable, raw energy.

“Why?” Stephen asked.

Although others may not have understood, he knew exactly what Stephen meant. Stephen was confused about why he came.

“Because I know you,” Karl responded.

He knew that Stephen knew Karl would come. It was in his nature. Sometimes Karl hated how predictable he was, and Stephen had always been able to use it to his advantage.

“You need to go,” Stephen said.

Karl laughed and smirked. He probably could bully others, but Karl knew he was full of hot air. He sat down near Christine.

“We both know you don’t want that, because if you were to kick me out, I will not come back.”

Stephen was quiet, and Karl looked at him, trying to keep his face expressionless. Inside was a different story, as his heart pounded from all the emotions running through him. It was difficult seeing Stephen utterly broken.

They sat there without talking for some time. It was as if they were prevented by invisible forces. Stephen closed his eyes, eventually falling asleep. His visit had been very unproductive. With that, Karl bade Christine farewell and left, feeling like he had done his part. Part of him knew though that he would be unable to keep away. There was still unfinished business left between them.

Sure enough, a few days later, Karl and Christine stood together talking quietly outside Stephen’s door.

“Your visit helped I think,” Christine said.

Karl nodded. Stephen had never wanted for them to break up, but if they had continued on, he would have destroyed Karl. Now that he was back, Stephen would probably do as much as he could to appease Karl. It would prove to be a futile effort if he tried.

“He needs to understand that what he is doing is not helping him,” she continued.

She obviously miscalculated Stephen if she thought that was possible. Karl knew better, and he knew that the man would need to hit bottom before he could rebuild his life.

Karl put his hand up to silence whatever request would follow. Walking into the room, he sat down, and looked at Stephen. The man’s face was healing fine, but bitterness lay underneath his expression.

“Karl, you came back.”

He sounded surprised.

“I did. Although, I have no idea why,” he lied.

It was something he had struggled with for days. Stephen was a weakness for him, there had always been something that drew the two of them together.

He looked at Stephen and sighed.

“Did you come to gloat? You always did tell me the bill would come due,” Stephen said bitterly.

“I could enjoy this from afar if that were true. I don’t need to waste my time to come here.”

Stephen looked at him, his eyes sunken from the physical and emotional trauma. He was thinner than when they brought him in, as he was probably refusing to eat. The man always had a flair for the dramatic.

“So why did you come?”

“I felt sorry for that poor girl out there. She obviously cares for you. I don’t know why, when clearly you can’t appreciate her.”

“Did she tell on me?”

“No Stephen, I can just tell.”

They were silent for a moment, as the unspoken words were understood. They knew each other even after all this time.

Karl went into the bathroom to get some toiletries for the other man. If he was at the hospital, he might as well try to help Stephen a little. The man probably had difficulties doing the simplest of tasks. It was also a way to start the conversation they needed to have.

“Here, move up. I’ll shave you. You look like you've been panhandling.”

Karl wasn’t going to mince words. He wasn’t looking for a fight, and thankfully Stephen obeyed.

It had been a long time since he had done something like this for someone. He was surprised that Stephen hadn’t protested, but he knew the man disliked being untidy in his appearance. Stephen must have felt pretty bad to allow Karl to do this.

It wasn’t as awkward as he thought it would be, as it had been such a long time since Karl had touched the man. He carefully trimmed down some of the hairs before applying the shaving cream. To be honest, he preferred a straight razor himself, but what the hospital provided would do.

Karl didn’t talk as he shaved Stephen, and when he was done, he cleaned up quickly. Stephen's face had a tinge of pink to it, and Karl knew it was from embarrassment, as he hated being babied. Even the times he was sick, he only accepted help with a grumble, as he obviously felt uneasy with being out of control.

Karl sat next to the man.

“You left me,” Stephen said softly.

“What did you expect? You abandoned me at that dinner when you thought sharing our relationship would be unsavory. When you chased that board member so you could climb higher in your career, you sent a clear message to me. I stood there for an hour, alone and out of place, all because of your fear of being outed. As if any one else was fooled by your act that I was a friend of yours.”

Karl furrowed his brow as he spoke, and he allowed the pain and anger to seep into his voice.

“What choice did you leave me with?” Karl added.

Stephen didn’t say anything for a while. There was no excuse he could give to take away all those feelings. However, Stephen was Stephen, and he always had an excuse.

“It’s not like your world Karl. There are more grey areas in mine.”

It was no point in the discussion, so Karl stopped. He sat for a few minutes, until it became clear that they it was a wasted effort to try to talk about anything. He told Stephen to rest, and then left the hospital with no intention to go back.

\----

It had been weeks since he had seen Stephen, but he occasionally sent messages to Christine to check up on the man. He wasn’t going talk to Stephen directly, but he was still curious about his progression.

The good part of him felt like he was being a friend, but the bad part of him felt satisfied that Stephen was finally paying for all of his past actions. He had warned the man when they parted that he would reap what he sewed, and Karl liked being right.  

However, news of the man dried up the day that Christine called him crying.

It was surprising that she called him, but it was not surprising that Stephen had pushed her away. From what he saw at the hospital, he was lashing out in frustration at anyone who remained close to him.

Karl tried to get her to calm herself, as she was angry and emotional, so he invited her to some coffee. She had just left Stephen’s, and agreed to meet Karl near his work in Chelsea.

When he saw her, she had a sour expression. Karl guessed that Stephen really had insulted her with his sharp tongue. Sure enough as she told him the story, that was the case.

“You were in love with him weren't you?” he asked.

“Weren’t you?” She asked.

“The Stephen Strange you know, and the Stephen Strange I knew are two different creatures. The more achievements he received, the more egotistical and arrogant he became, and the more he focused on his career. I loved the man who came before all of that. The man you know now is very different.”

“He’s in pain now, like a wounded animal lashing out. I can’t take care of him.”

Karl smiled sadly at her. She had a good heart.

“Nor should you. Christine, you need to be responsible for yourself and only yourself.”

She nodded, and he knew that she had enough. Just like he had all those years before.

“Stephen is a good person deep down inside,” She said.

“It doesn't matter if that's true, as long as he continues to use and abuse people.”

Karl shook his head. It took him a long time to figure that out. He was no saint, but Stephen acted like a spoilt child. It was as if people would still be there for him after it all.

“What should I do?” She asked.

“There is only one thing you can do. You have to let him figure out that he can’t treat you like that, and sometimes that means stepping away.”

She nodded, as she knew Karl was right. It was best for all of those involved, including Karl. If the man wanted help, he would seek it out. No one could force Stephen to do anything.

After Christine left, he tried to forget about Stephen Strange; a man who was not his problem.

\----

Oddly, he liked Christine, and the more she began to open up, the more he sympathized with her. They were very different, but he appreciated all the things that she possessed and he lacked. Eventually, they stopped talking about Stephen, and started to talk about themselves.

They began to meet regularly, at least once a week, often during her breaks from the hospital. It was odd to think of her as his best friend, but somehow she had become that. She had a crass sense of humor he could appreciate, but always saw the bright side of everything.

“So how was he?” Karl asked.

Last time they talked, Christine had been set up with someone one of her friends knew.

“He was okay, but he had no soul. You could just tell he was dead on the inside.”

Karl rolled his eyes.

“Your definition of okay and my definition are very different I guess. Just toss him back to where ever he came from.”

She laughed.

“Well beggars can't be choosers.”

“A doctor in New York can’t get someone, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

She smiled at him.

“Not easy for anyone these days.”

Karl nodded drinking his cup of coffee. As he looked down at the table he noticed he had a message. Christine noticed it as well. He had been expecting an email from the coordinators at the biannual art fair his gallery would be participating in.

“Go ahead,” Christine said waving her hand.

They had an understanding about this sort of thing, as she was often called back to work at short notice. If they were in a more formal setting, he would have never opened the email, but since the information may have been time sensitive, he had to take a peak.

It wasn’t from the biannual, and his heart nearly stopped when he did see it. The email was short and disturbing to say the least. Christine noticed his distress right away.

“What? What is it?”

He handed her the phone.

“Karl,” She began to read, “I’m sorry for everything. Please forgive me. Stephen.”

She went white as a sheet, as she understood the implications. To an outsider it may have seemed like the man was trying to patch up things, but they both knew that was not written in the man’s usual style, and it was out of character.

Christine picked up her phone. He could hear the message from it.

“The number you have reached is not in order,” the mechanical voice said.

“Do you think he’s going to kill himself?” She asked.

Karl had no idea. Stephen had put so much value on what he did rather than who he was. He quickly sent an email back.

_Let's talk. Where can we meet?_

The whole thing happened in less than five minutes, yet a response didn’t come. Eventually Christine had to go back to work, despite her distressed state. Karl tried to convince her to go home instead, but like Stephen had been, she was married to the job.

He waited and worried. Although he had enough of the man, he didn't want Stephen dead. He texted Christine through the evening, as they both waited. She also had some interns call around to different hospitals to see if there had been any admitted patients that matched Stephen's description.

Around 1am, Karl received a response.

_In Nepal. Thought about you after seeing the mountains. Looked like one of your artists. - Stephen_

_P.S. Internet is spotty._

Karl closed his eyes in frustration, and texted Christine a screen shot. It was like the man to do something like that. He had no forethought.

Christine replied.

_Thank God. Although, I could kill him myself. :/ Good night._

He felt the same, and tried to get some shut eye. It was hard as he replayed the events from the day, and wondered what had gotten into Stephen.

He tried to push it from his mind. Even on the other side of the earth, the man knew how to worry and irk him.

\----

When Karl came back from Berlin, he found flowers waiting on his desk. Daffodils. They were almost childish visually, with their sunny, rich yellow color, yet Karl felt they beautified his steril office very well.

There was no card, so he asked his assistant Tina if he knew who they were from. She had no idea, but she managed to remember it was from a place in Flushings called Wong’s Floral. It was easy enough to look up on the internet.

The phone rang a few time before a man picked up.

“Wong’s Floral. Wong speaking.”

“Hello, my name is Karl Mordo and I received some flowers from your shop, except the card is missing.”

“Please hold for a minute.”

Karl waited as he heard the man typing.

“I’m sorry. No one with that name is in our delivery system. Perhaps someone had bought flowers here and delivered them themselves?”

Karl thanked him before hanging up. Something seemed off with the whole thing, but Karl couldn't be bothered to hunt it down. He often received flowers after shows or exhibits and chalked it up to a thankful artist or client.

When it happened again a few days later, he called the floral shop again. This time, he was positive it was delivered by the shop. Again there was no note or card with it.

He looked at the daffodils, this time they were white.

“Wong’s Floral, Wong speaking.”

“Hello, this is Karl Mordo again. A few days ago I called about a delivery that was not in your system. I received another delivery today without a card.”

“One moment.”

He heard the man typing again, but this time he huffed in annoyance.

“One minute. Let me ask my assistant. He’s fairly new.”

Karl could hear the conversation that took place in the background.

“Strange, did you take an order for flowers addressed to a Karl Mordo? This guy keeps claiming we are delivering flower, but there are no records.”

“Oh, erm, yea, that was me. Don’t worry, I paid for it. I’ll put it the system next time.”

He was surprised. Stephen was working in a flower shop. This man, who spent his adult life trying to become the greatest surgeon that had ever lived, was working as a florist.

“Sorry about that. It seems my assistant, Stephen Strange has been sending them to you.”

“Ah, thank you,” Karl said before hanging up.

He didn’t know how to react.

Months had past since he had heard from Stephen, and he rarely thought about the man since that day of the email. Christine received a similar one a few days later, but had decided against replying. Hers was a little more cordial in nature.

Now Stephen was sending him flowers without cards. It was perplexing.

When he met Christine a few days later, it weighed on him.

“What does it mean?” He asked.

His brow furrowed in confusion, and Christine shrugged. The man was a mystery unto himself at this point. He was in Nepal, and now he was sending flowers from Queens. Maybe he fell into that cliche of going to find oneself after his accident, something people always set out to do, but rarely accomplished.

“Who knows with Stephen, but he might be sending some sort of a message. You know he has trouble talking about his feelings.”

Karl nodded. It was one of the reasons they had been attracted to one another, but also added to the end of their relationship. They had never pressured one another into talking about anything until it was too late. It had been hard to achieve a balance of giving one other space.

“What do daffodils mean?” Christine asked herself.

She took out her phone and looked it up.

“Yellows mean respect, regard, or love, while pale ones are unrequited love, or death. I highly doubt he would want you to die though…”

Karl scoffed.

“Don’t read too much into it,” he scolded.

Although he told her it meant nothing, his mind raced with the implications. What if Stephen was trying to send some sort of message? He already scared them half to death with his feeble attempt at an apology, and he wouldn‘t put it past the man to try to send messages with flowers.

Karl wasn't sure this gesture was unwelcomed or not. It was curious, and Karl had a hard time to out right reject the behavior.

A few days later, before he could make up his mind about what to do, Karl received a phone call from the former doctor.

“Hi.”

Karl didn’t answer and waited for him to continue.

“Hello?” Stephen said again.

“Yes?”

“It’s Stephen.”

“I know.”

“I sent you some flowers. Sorry, I didn’t add a card. I just thought they would be something you would like. I remember you told me you liked daffodils.”

It seemed that the man wasn’t sending a message, he just was trying to to appeal to Karl’s sentimentality with the gestures. Unfortunately, when it came to people, Stephen had a hard time remembering details about them.

“I said I liked carnations, but daffodils are nice too.”

“I work for a flower shop now. It’s nice, and the owner has been very helpful.”

“What do you want Stephen?” Karl asked.

There was a pause. When they had met in the hospital, Stephen had no qualms voicing his opinions. Now, he seemed more subdued. It was much like when they first met, the confidence was there, but it was stripped of its overt arrogance. Whatever he had gone through seemed to actually change the man.

“I want a second chance to make things right. I was an idiot for so long, and I just want to apologize and say thank you.”

It was something he hadn’t expected to hear. He couldn't remember if Stephen had ever thanked him for anything in the entirety of their five year relationship.

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it,” Karl answered honestly.

“I can wait.”

Karl hung up the phone, a lot more confused than he had been before. He wondered if he was being weak, or if it would be mistake to allow himself to feel affection for Stephen again. It was hard to believe people could change, but after going through something so traumatizing, Stephen may have changed. He may have been humbled by losing it all.

Karl sighed as he knew he would have trouble sleeping again with his mind weighing his options.

\----

It took him two weeks to make a decision, eventually deciding to meet with Stephen at least once. When the day came, he had been so busy at work, he barely remembered it was the day until Stephen showed up.

When Karl saw him enter the gallery, the man looked good. He was fit and sported a neatly trimmed goatee. His hair seemed a little more grey and it softened his image a bit. Stephen cut a good figure with his burgundy coat, dark blue shirt, and black slacks. He dressed with a bit of a flair now.

Karl could barely take his eyes off of him.

“I’m looking for something to put on my walls, and I happened by your gallery,” Stephen teased.

It was the first thing Stephen had ever said to him those many years ago.

“Are you going to make that terrible joke about seeing my etchings?” Karl replied.

It was amazing that he could keep his tone so steady, as his heart seemed to jump up into his throat.

“Maybe later if you're lucky.”

Stephen seemed nervous too, despite the confidence he tried to portray. Karl found it hard to finish focusing on the international shipping invoices he had been reviewing. He passed them over to Tina to finish as he fetched his dark green pea coat.

Stephen and him left fairly quickly. He didn’t want any of the girls gossiping about his love life. Although he never hid his sexuality, he was still a very private.

“You look fantastic,” Stephen said.

“I can say the same about you.”

When they got to the restaurant, they sat near the window and ordered their food. For the first few minutes they just looked at each other, not knowing where to begin. Finally Karl began.

“When you emailed me I honestly thought you were going to kill yourself. Imagine my shock that you were traveling Nepal. Now you're in Queens working as a florist? What has been going on Stephen?”

Stephen seemed a little hesitant to talk about it.

“Actually, I _was_ in a bad place, until I met this English Monk one day in Union Square, after I had driven everyone away. One thing led to another, and I kind of joined a Buddhist monastery for a while, but then left. It’s complicated. I did some soul searching and decided I needed to just give it all up. Then when I came back, I needed a job and a roommate, so luckily I found two in one. Wong’s been really good to me, and well, he’s helped me a lot.”

Karl nodded listening to his story. It was surprising. It sounded like Stephen had changed his life around, and the way he talked, it seemed like he had a very humbling experience living in a monastery. He also had never heard Stephen give credit to others, even when it was due.

Suddenly, Stephen reached over and grabbed Karl's hand.

“I meant what I said. I’m sorry that I was so horrible to you. You deserved better, and I had only thought of myself and my career at that time, but now I realized how lucky I am that have this chance.”

It was painful to reopen old wounds, but necessary. It felt therapeutic in a way. Karl looked at Stephen.

“I couldn’t let you deny who I was just because you could deny yourself. I hope you understand that.”

Stephen nodded.

As they sat and ate, it became easier to talk about things. Stephen was animated, and really seemed interested. It came as a surprise that Karl and Christine had become close, and Stephen related his regrets about what had happened between him and Christine as well. Stephen seemed interested in learning more about what Karl had been up to, and Karl was interested in Stephen's new found interest in flowers. Sometimes the man was a walking encyclopedia when he was interested in something.

After dinner they decided to take a walk at The High Line, a park built on an old elevated track. Sometimes Karl would go after work, even though it was often crowded. However, that night there weren’t many people, probably because it was cold and a Wednesday. They stopped and sat together on a bench. Karl looked at Stephen, who seemed to be taking in the sights and smells of the small park. Thinking about it, he realized that as a doctor, Stephen probably never really saw this city he called home. Just like how Stephen had never really gotten to know the people he interacted with. It was sad really.

Karl lightly hooked his hand around Stephen's forearm; his heart beating faster at his bold gesture. Stephen looked at him, smiling shyly. Karl used his other hand to turn Stephen's face to look at his, before he leaned in for a kiss.

It felt like the first time and like old times at the same time. Stephen melted into the kiss like he had done so many times before, but they had changed, and he could feel it in the kiss.

When they broke apart, Karl could tell even in the low lighting that the other man’s face was flushed. He wanted more, but knew it would be an unwise decision to push it any further.

“So, I’m guessing I can see you again?” Stephen asked, touching his forehead to Karl’s.

“I would like that. If you can find time.”

“Something tells me I’ll have time,” Stephen said grinning.

Karl leaned in for another kiss.

\----

After a few weeks, it was comfortable. They enjoyed themselves, unlike all those years before. Karl had even visited Stephen’s work a few times, meeting Wong, and seeing the kind of work he was doing. It was interesting watching the man adapt to his limitations with his hands, and how he interacted with people now. It was hard to believe this was the same man as before. He was so open, and often bragged about Karl to others. It was a little absurd at times, but it was flattering.

Eventually, Karl let Stephen back into his bed, and he lived for those little moments of tenderness. Stephen took to wrapping himself around Karl as he slept, his top leg sprawled over Karl’s lower half, and his head resting on Karl’s chest. Karl enjoyed reading the latest issue of the art magazines he received, while running his fingers through Stephen’s hair as he slept.

Frequently though, Stephen didn’t sleep well due to nightmares. They seemed disturbing, but often the man couldn’t remember them after they happened. It was hard to watch, and Karl figured it was from the accident, until one night Stephen started talking in his sleep.

“Get off. Don’t come closer.”

Stephen was tossing, kicking at the covers.

“Stop it. I told you,” Stephen gritted.

Karl’s heart sank. The way that he said the words, and the way that his face was scrunched up, it was unsettling. He couldn’t let Stephen continue dreaming, so he gently tried to wake him up, but was rewarded with a shove. It was an accident, but that severe of a reaction was unexpected.

Stephen jumped out of the bed, and stood there for a second looking confused. Karl rubbed his side.

“You were having a nightmare.”

“Yea, I have them sometimes,” Stephen said.

“What was that about?” Karl asked.

Stephen shrugged, climbing back into the bed.

“No. We’re not going to do this. Tell me, what were you dreaming of.”

Stephen sat up and looked at Karl. His eyes filled with worry, and his whole body tensed up.

“You will hate me,” Stephen protested.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I won’t hate you. If it’s traumatic enough to have these recurring nightmares, It’s not something you should keep to yourself.”

Stephen breathed in deeply, shutting his eyes. He opened them again, and his mouth pursed into a frown before he began.

“That night you left me. I was with that board member. He threatened to block my appointment if I didn’t help him out, as he put it. I thought he was talking about work, but it was physical. He, uh, wanted me to service him. Then well, he got pretty aggressive about it, even though I had agreed. I’m sorry. I just... I thought…”

It was worse than what Karl could have guessed. At first, he had thought Stephen had gotten into some trouble in Nepal, and that was why he was saying those things. It was hard to learn that this had happened the night Karl left him. He had no idea.

“Why the hell are you sorry?” Karl asked narrowing his eyes.

“I cheated on you.”

Karl scoffed, and Stephen looked hurt. He misunderstood.

“Stephen, even if you told him yes, you were not a willing participant. When one holds power over another to gain sexual favors, that is not a situation where consent applies. I just don’t understand why didn't you tell me? Here I had been under the impression all this time that events were different that night.”

Bitter sadness splashed across the man’s face as Karl spoke.

“How was it different? I did leave you alone to better my career, and I didn’t acknowledge you as my partner. The only thing I regretted at the end of that night was not going after you, because I felt guilty about cheating on you.”

It seemed like Stephen didn’t exactly understand what had happened to him, or maybe he chose to ignore it. After being closeted for so long, it did a lot to color a person's perspective, even if they were smart enough to know differently. Clearly, Stephen thought that because he had verbally agreed to blackmail that he had some culpability In the whole thing.

Karl felt his heart break into a thousand pieces, as he vaguely recalled the night,remembering Stephen seemed different after he came back. He felt like the worst human being on the face of the earth for not knowing what had happened to Stephen. Karl had been so concerned about his feelings that he had ignored the man in front of him.

“You should have told me.”

“Would it really have changed things?” Stephen asked, his head low.

That question really bothered Karl, because he didn’t have an answer. He would have liked to think yes, but at that time Karl was not thinking rationally.

Karl wrapped the man in his arms, feeling tears touch his flesh. He held on tight to Stephen.

“It all came to nothing though,” Stephen said sadly.

“I don’t know. If you had refused maybe he would have destroyed your career, or something worse. We could try to guess all day, but here we are now. You’re here with me, and I am sorry for what happened to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you when you needed it the most, but I will try be there for you in the future,” Karl said.

He planted a kiss on Stephen’s forehead, and made sure to hold Stephen tightly the rest of the night. He wasn’t going to let the man go, no matter what.

When Stephen fell asleep again, he watched over him, hoping for good dreams. If not, he would try to chase the nightmares away.


End file.
